For Her...

I saw her from the corner of my eyes, making sure she won’t spot me staring at her. I was standing just a few inches away from her at the Iffco Chowk bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive. I never really admire strangers like this. But this girl was different. Yes, I knew her. She used to be my crush in high school. Yeah, from the very beginning, I knew it's never gonna work out. She used to be one of the most popular girls in school and I was such a nerd that hardly anyone ever noticed me.

Supriya Vaidya, the mention of her name was enough to spark the fire that almost had me burn to ashes two years ago. And there she was! Still so beautiful, gorgeous and divine. Perfection dripping all over her body. Perfectly styled hair, pale white complexion, mesmerizing dark brown eyes, light pink glossy lips, perfectly manicured fingers. Just…perfect! This word alone is enough to describe her.

She was still oblivious of the fact that a guy is continuously staring at her. A guy from her high school. She had no idea about that. But the truth is, even if she knew about my presence, she won’t recognize me in the first place.

Even though I used to be her classmate for four years, she was always surrounded by her girlfriends and rarely talked to boys. Yet she was the center of attraction in the class. Everyone in the class wanted to make acquaintance with her. The girls. The guys. The male teachers, even the female ones. The girls either liked her for her charm and simplicity or envied her for obvious reasons. Nevertheless, most of the girls fell in the latter category. They pretended to like her but they envied her a lot and would bitch about her at her back.

With boys, the situation was a little different. There were 3 kinds of boys in the class if they are to be categorized in reference to her. The creepy ones. The geeky ones. And the dreamy ones. The creepy ones would fantasize her all the time, would pass foul comments on her and even flirt with her several times. I hated those guys and I always had an urge to break their nose and cripple them up. But needless to say, I could only think about doing that.

They geeky ones were the toppers of the class. They would show as if they have no interest in her but were often caught staring at her with those lusty eyes during the classes.

The dreamy ones like me could only dream to have a girl as pure as her to be with them. But they knew that they could never get her in reality.

But I was a little different from these guys too. Yes, I dreamt about her every single night. But I never wanted to get her or win her over. I just wanted to be with her. All the time. I cared for her. I loved to see that smile on her face. The smile that would entice even the gods from the heavens. And whenever I saw her sad face or when I saw her crying, I had an intractable urge to take her in my arms and wipe off her tears. I didn’t know if it was love or just infatuation. But whatever it was, it’s beyond the understanding of ordinary people. Yes, it was something extraordinary. Something magical. And it still is. And will always be.

She seemed a little annoyed for the bus being late than usual. I could tell that seeing her face expressions. She was constantly looking at her wrist watch and then back at the road in frustration. And then the bus finally arrived and I followed her as she hopped in.

Luckily, I occupied a seat just behind hers which was diagonally opposite so that I could capture a few of those moments. For this might be the last memories of her.

The conductor came and she asked for a ticket to ambience. I could see she was constantly texting someone. Probably her boyfriend. I wondered if she was still dating Prateek.

Prateek had joined our school in 11th grade and was in the same class as me and Supriya. And I hate to say this, but he was the reason why I opted for engineering. Till 10th grade, I was the only one among the boys to whom Supriya would often talk and share things. The conversations we had, the time we spent together, the moments we shared, they might be nothing to her. But to me, they meant more than life and I still cherish every moment that we had although scarce they were. All those memories are still so vivid and so embedded in my heart that nothing could ever replace them.

Prateek used to be one of those rich spoilt grunts who have this bad habit of annoying everyone. Cracking stupid jokes in the class, teasing others, passing foul comments and messing around with everyone for no reason. That’s what the boy was known for. From the very first day, he had his eyes on Supriya and he would often flirt with her which she usually ignored. She didn’t like him for sure and he also knew that. But yet he didn’t give up. He would stalk her everywhere. He would pass notes to her in the class which she would crumple down. It was obvious that she didn’t like all this but yet she never whined about that to the teachers. Perhaps she didn’t want to create a scene.

A month passed and things were quickly getting back to normal. Prateek’s obscene acts begun to recede as if by magic. He even stopped flirting with Supriya and paid more attention in the classes.

And this was a time when I got close to her and she too was getting to enjoy my company. We sat together in the classes, we shared lunch, talked about studies and we laughed over the silly jokes. I was so happy. Whenever I was with her, I just wanted the time to stop by. I was living in a dream. And I wanted it to last forever. But for all that matter, I had forgotten that some dreams are bound to shatter.

Then I had a family trip planned. So I had to take a leave from school for five days. And when I came back, everything changed. There were rumors everywhere that Supriya and Prateek are dating. But I didn’t believe all this. It was only after I saw them, holding hands in the cafeteria that I realized that something really might be cooking between these two. And then I only saw them getting closer every passing day. They came to school together, sat together, ate lunch together, talked endlessly, laughed over the stupidest jokes and left for home together. I tried my best but it was too difficult for me to bear the sight of these two, holding hands all the time.

As the summer vacations approached, I enrolled myself for IIT coaching classes in Kota for this was the only way to get away from all this. I went to Kota for two years and I never saw her again. Until this day.

10 minutes passed. I was still sitting behind her in the bus when an old lady came out of nowhere and stood in front of me. So I had to offer my seat to her. And now I was standing beside the man who was sitting next to Supriya. She was still busy fiddling in her cellphone. Then came the Udyog Vihar and to my goodness, the man sitting next to her stood up to leave. Now I was standing right next to her with my heart pounding. I just couldn’t figure out what to do.

I thought someone else would come and take the seat so I didn’t move for a while but then I looked around and realized that I was the only one standing in the bus by that time. So it would have seemed weird if I didn’t take a seat in the bus if there was one. And that too, next to the most gorgeous girl there in the bus. So I gained some strength and sat right there. She still didn’t notice me as she was busy with her cellphone, texting someone, probably her boyfriend. Probably that A-hole, Prateek. Whoever it was, I didn’t peek inside her cellphone.

I wondered if I should just talk to her. But what if she doesn’t recognize me? And if I should really talk to her, then what should I say? Thoughts like this kept spinning in my head intractably. 2 minutes. 3 minutes. 5 minutes of pondering but still no outcome. And then all of a sudden, she looked up from her phone for a while and kept it in her purse after that. And it was then that I could finally see her face properly. Not directly but its reflection in the mirror. But then my heart skipped a beat as she caught me staring at her. I shifted my gaze somewhere else promptly. But it was too late then. She had already caught me staring at her and I could do nothing about that. But then, to my surprise, she said something I wasn’t really expecting.

“Oh My God,” she said. My heart pounding with every word she said.

“Amreen, is that you?” Amreen…ummm…

“Tripathi..Amreen Tripathi,” I said.

OMG! I couldn’t believe it. She recognized me. She even knew my name. I almost froze and it took a few seconds to get back to normal.

“Wow! It’s so nice to see you. You remember me? I’m..,”

“Supriya Vaidya, Roll no. 17,” I said. How could I forget?

“Hmmm. I’m impressed,” she said. “So how you doing? And what exactly are you doing all these days? God, it’s been such a long time.”

“Yeah, 2 years almost,” I said.

“So?” She said.

“So what,” I said.

“So what are you doing all these days,” she said. “Which college? Which course? Don’t mind but I don’t know anything.”

“No that’s okay,” I laughed. “Well, I’m doing engineering from MSIT. First year. And what about you?”

“Engineering. Great!” she said. “You look like an engineer already”, she laughed. “Well, I’m doing B.Com honors from SRCC. Didn’t have much choice. I wasn’t that good in physics.”

And the conversation went on for another 10 minutes. And then her stop came and she stood up to leave.

10 minutes. That’s all it took and then she was leaving. “Why is she leaving? Why did she even talk to me if this has to happen?” That’s all I kept asking myself. My heart was aching. I didn’t want to let her go. Not this time. No. But once again I could do nothing.

“So, I gotta go now,” she said.” It was so nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” I said as we shook hands one last time.

“I wish I could spend some more time with you,” she said. “But you know how it is.”

“No, no that’s fine,” I said. I totally understand.

“Hey give me your phone number,” she said. “I’ll ping you on whatsapp.”

And then she left. Like she always did. Leaving me hollow inside. It felt like she took away all that was left inside me. And I was craving for her touch, I was craving to tell her about my feelings, I was craving to at least see her one last time.

All my life, I’ve loved this girl but I was never able to tell her. But I couldn’t hide it anymore. I couldn’t hold it inside. “I have to tell her. I have to tell her how much I love her,” I told myself.

And then without any further contemplation, I ran after her. The bus again was at its full pace and it had already passed several meters.

“Stop. Stop the bus,” I shouted.

But the driver didn’t slow down as it was the highway. And I had to wait for a minute or two until he finally pushed the brakes at the Rajokri Flyover.

I ran toward the Ambience Mall as fast as I could. The Mall was half a kilometer from there and the thought of never having to see her again was tormenting me. It was excruciating. I kept running without a rift till I finally got there.

I looked around, seeking her everywhere. Adrenaline rushing through my veins. I’ve been such a loser all these years but now I was determined. I would tell her about my feelings. I’d tell her how much I love her. And then at least I won’t regret that I didn’t even try. Then at least my story would have an end.

And then I saw her. But she wasn’t alone this time. It was him. Prateek. Yes, the two were still together.

And all my avidness and excitement was gone in a flash. I was broken into pieces. And I felt tears forming beneath my eyes. I felt like some bird who had been tamed and encaged for centuries and when he gained some courage to fly away, he was thrashed back to ground. For that’s where he actually belongs.

But then I saw them together. And I saw that smile on her face. How happy she was! I had never seen her this happy in years. And then I asked myself that even if I get her tomorrow, would I ever be able to keep her this happy? I know she was the one that I ever wanted but I also can’t deny that she never felt the same for me. And it’s not her fault that I fell in love with her. It’s all mine and I’ll have to deal with it myself. I loved her and all I ever wanted was her to be happy. And it was then that I realized that no matter how much you love or care about them, some people are not meant for you and you must learn to move on.

And now I knew what I had to do. I just had to give myself another chance. And that’s what I did.

It took time to get over her but it happened. I never saw Supriya after that. She had my number but she never called me or even texted me.

I thought I would never be able to love anyone again but I was wrong this time too.

After two more years, Vishakha came into my life and my life began to grin. She brought happiness to my life once again and now I knew that she’s the reason why it didn’t work out with Supriya or anyone else.

I believe that we are always born incomplete. And there’s always someone in this world who has been born to complete us. To make us whole. We just have to wait for the right time to come and we’ll find that person eventually. People will always come and go in your life but one day you will find someone who’ll stay with you till the end.

10 years have passed since I met Vishakha and today, we’re happily married with two kids. Although my love for Supriya will never die. I still love her and I always will. But I would never want her to come back into my life. She has always been with me in my heart and wherever she is right now, I just hope that she’s still happy. Because now I understand that love isn’t just about spending your life with that person. It’s about spending your entire life for that person.

It was for her that I decided to move on, knowing that she’s happy. And it was for her that I gave myself another chance and then I found that love in Vishakha.

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